


break common laws in twos and threes

by jucee



Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-27
Updated: 2012-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-13 00:29:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/497372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jucee/pseuds/jucee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>This can’t be right</i>, Byakuya thinks.</p><p>(Unfortunately, he's wrong.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	break common laws in twos and threes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peroxidepest17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peroxidepest17/gifts).



> Title borrowed from _The Start of Something_ by Voxtrot.

When Renji walks into his office with a stack of reports in one hand and a plastic container of half-eaten takoyaki in the other, Byakuya opens his mouth to scold him in advance for the sauce stains that he will inevitably find on the reports.

But then the smell of the takoyaki hits his nose, and he suddenly feels something _lurch_ in his stomach.

 _This isn’t right,_ he thinks. So he stands up, brushes past a confused Renji and makes his way, calmly, to the Fourth Division Headquarters.

***

 _This can’t be right_ , Byakuya thinks.

He stares at Unohana with faintly accusing eyes, wondering if she might not be playing a joke on him the way Yachiru does every Thursday evening (usually involving water balloons filled with flour or, sometimes, olive oil). She just stares back at him serenely, as if waiting for him to process the _ridiculous_ diagnosis that she has just given him.

Finally, he says, “Please say that again.” Perhaps his ears have also been affected by what’s wrong with him.

Word for word, Unohana repeats, “Kuchiki-taichou, you are five weeks pregnant.”

“Pregnant?” he asks.

“Pregnant,” she confirms.

He feels his stomach lurching again, and this time it has nothing to do with the smell of takoyaki.

***

He sends a messenger to the Sixth Division Headquarters to let Renji know that he’s taking the rest of the day off, including a postscript that no, he’s not dying, which previously would have been the only reason for him to even contemplate leaving work in the middle of the day.

By the time he reaches the Kuchiki estate, he has his breathing and heartbeat under control again, and the expression on his face discourages any comments from the servants about the unusual timing of his return.

“Ask Zaraki to come see me the instant he arrives home,” he instructs, and the servants bow before leaving him to stand alone in the hallway.

Byakuya thinks about going to the dojo and working off some excess energy and frustration through kendo, but then he recalls vaguely that pregnant... people shouldn’t overly exert themselves. Which is going to be a problem, considering his job. And his life in general.

He stalks to his bedroom, taking slow, deep breaths the whole time.

***

He tries to rest, but since he hasn’t taken an afternoon nap in almost three hundred years, his body resists and stubbornly stays awake. So he decides to go through the pamphlets that Unohana had given him, with a smile on her face that may or may not have been mocking; Byakuya couldn’t really tell.

 _Congratulations, you’re pregnant!_ one pamphlet exclaims in bright orange letters. He starts to read, but immediately stops when he gets to the part – with the _diagrams_ – about the expansion of the uterus. 

He flips cautiously through the other pamphlets and finds that only half of them come with graphics, and he promptly shreds those ones into small, illegible pieces. The rest of them are quite informative, however, and he reads them from cover to cover.

At some point he must have fallen asleep after all, because he opens his eyes to find Zaraki sitting on the edge of the bed, combing his long, scarred fingers through Byakuya’s hair.

“Are you dying?” Zaraki asks.

“No,” Byakuya replies. “But you might be.”

“Oh?” Zaraki says with a wide grin. “I thought you didn’t like playin’ that game anymore, after that time I got a little too rough and broke the wall–”

“I’m pregnant,” Byakuya says, while an image suddenly pops into his mind of the incident with the wall. Which happened roughly five weeks ago.

He waits for Zaraki to finish laughing, then he repeats it again. And he adds, “Unohana-taichou said that I’m five weeks along, which means the baby will be born in spring.”

“Wait, you’re serious?” Slowly, Zaraki’s grin fades away and his mouth falls open. “How the fuck did this happen? If I’d known you could get knocked up, I woulda worn somethin’, y’know.”

Byakuya’s hand shoots out to grab Zaraki by the collar of his uniform and yank his face close. Eyes narrowed, he snarls, “This is all _your_ fault, Zaraki. You and your _aggressive mutant sperm_.”

Zaraki is silent for a long time, and Byakuya wonders if he’s broken something in Zaraki’s head. That is, broken him _more_ , if that’s even possible. Suddenly tired, Byakuya lets go of Zaraki’s haori and sinks back into the bed.

He’s almost asleep again when, finally, Zaraki says, “We can still have sex, right?”

***

Byakuya’s initial answer is a resounding _no_ , but as he approaches his second trimester, he finds himself watching Zaraki almost obsessively as the other man washes and shaves and dresses each morning and night. His eyes trace the sharp lines of muscle and bone and scars, and his body feels hot and desperate.

His body also feels _different_ , not the body he’s had for centuries but one that’s changing, growing slightly bigger every day. He doesn’t actually look pregnant yet, or so Rukia assures him; he just looks like he’s been indulging in far too many sweets. Unohana knows the truth, of course, and the Captain-Commander has also been apprised of his condition, but most people just seem to be assuming that Yachiru has been a bad influence on him.

So Byakuya is lying in bed and pretending that he isn’t staring covetously at Zaraki’s broad, muscular back, when Zaraki suddenly pauses in his morning routine and catches Byakuya’s eye before he can look away. He grins, ferally, and strolls back to the bed.

“You wanna fuck?” Zaraki asks, his big, rough hands already sliding under Byakuya’s yukata to find soft, parted thighs.

“ _Nngh_ ,” Byakuya moans, and neither of them go to work that day.

***

“Taichou,” Renji begins, but then falls silent. He shuffles his feet awkwardly.

Byakuya doesn’t look up from the papers on his desk. He knows that Renji will get to the point, eventually, but in the meantime he can probably finish reading two or three acquisition requests.

“Umm,” Renji mumbles. He scratches his head, then rubs the back of his neck.

Byakuya signs off on one document, and starts to read the next.

As he’s nearing the end of the page, Renji finally blurts out, “Rukia told me. A-About you.”

Pausing, Byakuya glances up. Renji looks embarrassed and confused, much as he always does, really. Byakuya feels a strange urge to smile, which he decides to blame on the hormones. “Yes, I am pregnant.”

And when Renji makes a pained expression, as if an awful image has just appeared in his mind, Byakuya says, “And yes, Zaraki is the... other father.”

“ _Ugh_!” Renji exclaims, then looks even more horrified than before. “I-I’m sorry, Taichou! I didn’t mean ‘ugh’ like... as in... not that Zaraki-taichou is... or you are... I mean, it’s just...”

Byakuya presses his lips into a firm line; he is _not_ going to let the hormones win.

“It’s just... Zaraki-taichou was my previous captain, and now you’re my captain, and it’s like,” Renji’s voice drops to a mortified whisper, “It’s like I have proof that _my parents have sex_.”

Byakuya waits for Renji to flee his office before he puts his head down on his desk and laughs so hard that the baby – a boy, Unohana informed them last week – kicks him in the ribs. 

***

By his third trimester, Byakuya has to wake up two to three times every night to visit the bathroom, his extended belly makes most positions uncomfortable to sleep in, and his ankles are painfully swollen.

“I hate you,” he hisses to Zaraki, and kicks him viciously under the covers. “And I want ice-cream.”

Zaraki grunts, and rolls out of bed, just barely dodging a second kick.

“Green tea with chocolate syrup and tabasco,” Byakuya reminds Zaraki’s disappearing back, before he shifts over into the warm spot Zaraki has just vacated and dozes off again.

***

The actual birth is oddly anti-climactic, once Byakuya realises that the cramps he’s been having all morning are actually a sign of labour. He remains relatively calm while Renji has a mild panic attack and rushes him to the Fourth Division Headquarters, yelling over his shoulder for somebody to _fuckin’ get Zaraki-taichou over there now_.

Upon arrival, Unohana directs him to lie down on an examination table. When Zaraki appears a moment later with Yachiru clinging excitedly to his shoulder, Unohana makes a neat incision across his belly with a scalpel, extracts the baby, lets Yachiru cut the umbilical cord, then heals the wound with kido. All in all, the process takes about five minutes.

Afterwards, Byakuya cradles the baby a little awkwardly while Zaraki counts his fingers and toes. He’s round and soft, with a full head of black hair and grey eyes that are already open and curious; thankfully, he seems to take more after Byakuya than Zaraki in looks. 

They let Yachiru hold him while Byakuya straightens his clothes and prepares to leave. His ankles are still sore, so he graciously allows Zaraki to help him walk. His whole body feels lighter – he can actually see his feet again – but somehow it still feels different from the way it did before he was pregnant.

Renji and Rukia are waiting outside the room, and they pounce on Yachiru and the baby as soon as they all come out.

“Look at his big beautiful eyes,” Rukia coos, and gently strokes the back of one soft hand.

“Wow, he looks like you, Taichou,” Renji says, peering over Rukia’s head.

“Isn’t he _so cute_?” Yachiru beams, then starts crooning to him in baby-talk.

Before they leave, she hands the baby back to Zaraki, who carries him in the crook of one arm while supporting Byakuya’s weight with the other. And they go home.

***

They name him Soujun, after Byakuya’s father, and he is an extremely happy baby, despite having Byakuya and Zaraki as his parents.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [So You're Expecting](https://archiveofourown.org/works/565105) by [peroxidepest17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peroxidepest17/pseuds/peroxidepest17)




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